Their partner saw past the mask, realized they were flawed and left. Why feel the need to approach and tell me this info and come to me with a crazy offer????? I do not say this lightly, I wish I could say I saw through him much earlier. My prayer is for continued healing for both of us. He also allowed an ex (who lived in another country) to keep believing that she had a chance with him. Then she blocks me, so I cant say anything. You dont want to attract another narc!!! So interesting to read everyones stories. I have realised that I had The Narcs guy..He appeared on fb.. freinded and went all out to say he adored me etc.. then on to online erotica..bdsm ..he was coming to me in uk.. and what an amazing life we will have for years..I was so deeply in love ..he was the drug I had always wanted and boy he knew it..Then after online erotica no messages for a week or 2..the crunch came when I went to NYC..he was coming he could not wait for it.. yep guess what he never came to me..he went to local bar for the night.. he told people he was scared of me..wtf I think he did not want me to see the real him..and yes I found out he had other ff in waiting.. after 4 months of hell. If you will just act like his friend for the sake of his image, then all will be well in his fake world. A narcissist will always return to an ex-lover to ensure that his narcissistic supply still pines for him and that she never moves on from the p And i know in my mind what i SHOULD think say and feel. I was never allow to go to his house because his neighbors hated me, etc. Instead, refer them to a counselor, and keep it moving. She may see the resemblance and clue in. My siblings, the golden child and enabler. The narcissist will attempt to convince you that theyre the best lover youve ever had. Things that remind my of him. 1. Ive come to accept he will neve change and that he will never ever come back to me ( not even to apologize for the hell hes making me go throught and affecting our son too). I have to add I moved on and had a new boyfriend within 3 months so part of me was guilty for moving on so fast after a 10 year relationship. My take has always been that because he needs for everything to appear okay to make himself look good then of course he wants you to smile and act nice and be friends. I was the one who had changed. Its simply to make you doubt your judgment and make you wonder about your behaviors, which conveniently changes your focus from what HES doing. I new no one in dayton new to the area married for twenty eight years grievieng hard . Is it even okay if I say that? I feel blessed to have found such support here reading. I will help myself. Love yourself and you will heal yourself. Many factors might go into the decision, but those factors all play a role in whether they will try to hoover someone else or not. . In the end, though, I won. Four (4) narcissists have negatively impacted my life in the last 15 years: 3 of them were female romantic interests and one was a (gay) male supervisor. This methodology behavioral, is used in many scientific fields, mine for ex. There is one thing that is different with a narcissist. A clever narcissist learns that he can use his cell phone as a tool for juggling multiple relationships and for keeping one relationship from ever . He has nobody to control but his own daughter. No i am letting go. Five minutes later, my landlady who lives about 100 ft. from my house calls and asks me if Im okay. If I were drowning and you reached your hand out to save me, I would turn my face from you and sink into the abyss of a watery grave while you watched before I ever gave you the satisfaction of helping me. He said all of that in the shop because he wanted to see if he could win you back. I am moving on. Narcs cant admit real hurtespecially when they know you are finally serious about dumping them. In hindsight there were so many odd things about his behavior and how he described his life (practically no interest in anything about my real life), but I also like eccentric, shy people and a bit of a dark side. The male I spent 7-1/2 years with is obsessed with his ex-girlfriend and her brother-in-law and has been for nearly 25 years. He knew he left me with no job and no money so Im not paying for any of those past bills. part of me doesnt want to do that because i want to see him coming in the event he tries something. Actually THE NEXT DAY (imagine what he felt), and the community too. Its a terrible brain wash these creatures put us through. That he didnt mean to hurt me, never wants to see me hurt..but no apology. Who the hell knows. Even worse he met an adorable famous person in his country who does the same work as him andnthey are having a baby. But I recovered it. He has gotten worse at his acting or I have gotten better at seeing through the crap. MY choice to be a Christian and follow a moral path is what polices me to do rightEVEN when I know someone would let me get away with doing wrong. Once you stop reacting for good they find a new victim! By Jodie Milton. Nothing changes. To all the women and men who have been victimized by any of the cluster B personality disordered types, my heart truly goes out to you. Let your integrity speak for itself! Thank you. I grew up with narcassism in my family. I get it. They love the attention whether bad or good. Trust me, on the inside, this woman is an absolute enigma. He begged for me to talk to him and not loose hope, promised it would never happen again and I ignored him. I must say this. Let them live their small lives while you carry on with complete indifference. He is not going to leave but when you do change phone number put him on email contact only if you must learn about No Contact and Run!!!!!! What they wont do is tell you about it. You cant go to a no contact sone and get easier over it like people with no children. He has got to go! The VERY NEXT DAY she called suggesting I look her up on facebook. Borderline is distinct from Narcissism. He kept trying to convince me that i was the crazy one and he is not a liar and not crazy. I just hope this doesnt turn out to me a disaster. I was just so proud of myself that i managed to get my live back on track. Im sure he has convinced himself I am no good and he is better off..that way his ego can live with being dumped. It drives humans to seek rewards and motivates them to act and live their lives in productive ways. Now, I am a monster, I was controlling etc. Good luck. Am I so far gone for thinking that men always go for cheap and nasty insults like bitch, stupid, crazy when they argue with women? Just curious to get your thoughts on this. By the time my second child was born zero affection, intimacy the mask started to fall and he knew that I knew! My question, I guess, is can my narc actually be a friend? I could never please her. The narcissists jealousy may even lead them to try and sabotage your new relationship by spreading rumors about you or your new partner. And how do you tell someone that they may be dating a narc? When we work on overcoming those issues, we then begin to attract healthy partners into our lives , Thank you, KIM and thank you HEALING for the insightful comments. Good to hear someone that doesnt Judge me because i love(d) him. The proof is in the pudding. He believes that I should return his devotion because in his mind he has never tried so hard with anyone. He can shut the cable off and when Im ready, Ill set the boxes in a garbage bag and sit it near my mailbox on the road but he wont have the luxury of seeing me at any time if I can help it at my door. Hello, It is good to read en find people who can relate to this issues. He sat behind me in math and gazed at me always. Im worried he wants revenge. What about over one or two years. Stay strong and dont give in! He was not used to me ignoring him in the same manner that he had been ignoring me. There were many red flags in the beginning which of course I ignored because it made me felt good seeing her and spending time with her. Meditate twice daily for at least 15 minutes I am a happy person by nature but a friend said i almost never smile now. This guy dont know him Sees only the glamour side of him and feels flatterd. He was going on with this gay guy. Thank you so much for writing this. I wish you well, my brother. Say to him to stay away for ever and nothing to do with him anymore. We had a very loving relationship, but it didnt stop him from being manipulative and verbally abusive when he felt hurt or angry. Here are 10 things a narcissist does when you start to use No Contact with them: 1. For example, perhaps they really arent interacting with a particular ex at a particular time. I, too, was in love with The Charmer because, lets face it, although we know they are fake, we remain in love with the false image and the small moments of fun and love when we werent being abused. Seven months later. Cara- it sounds like you may be codependent like I am. I am so tired. I can say that it was initially hard, but once you reclaim happiness in yourself and your own life, you realize how much better off you are. I have not reached out since April 1st btw. Cut your losses. He now has stalked and harassed me to no end. I also went out with my narc (or so I think) for two years. They are just as inconsistent and drama filled as friends as they were as significant others and if that will bother you its not a good idea. Even after he blew up and sent me 20 emails in a 10 hour period over the summer blasting my character and career failures, threatening me, he STILL had the gall to behave self righteously when I asked for no contact. I told him that I have forgiven him because I am a good person and because I pity him. "Those who do care will already know, so a social media post won't . When I started questioning his hobbies/spendings/ more female friends (I had enough), the devalue followed by discard happened. Then I did no contact again for 90 days. Then he backed off and said ok hope she do well bye. Who does that? Your first paragraph described my soon to-be-ex narc perfectly! Not explanation. That person i first met disappeared after a month or two and thats what kept me trying so hard to make it work. I know what it is. . I remain perpetually on the fence about him! [Read: 7 Reasons Why Narcissists Wont Give You Closure]. I only mention this in order to highlight the fact that everything he claimed to love about me and find in common with himself are now the things he hates and denigrates. I wish it where not. Has a woman ever had you in fear for your life and the life of your children purely by her brute strength? all of the way its expressed and conveying true meaning of this relationship dynamic. Even though youre no longer together, the narcissist wants you to remain broken, and theyll do everything they can to bring you back down to the level of inferiority they believe youre supposed to be at and stay at. But maybe he just forgatten me. Second, Im watching it play out. From the perspective of a narcissist, it makes sense. I want him out but no success so far. Also, relationship between the BPD and NPD. Im only sharing a part of what happened because I could write pages. Ran into him and his dog and he said Hi Becky, stopped and looked pensive as too who was on the beach. My son and I are returning to home town due to many factors. See if there is a domestic violence center in your area. If he comes to my door, Im not answering. The moment youre down on your luck, the narcissist will use the hoovering tactic to suck you back in. So dont be too hard on yourself. He doesnt know how NOT to lie, seek attention (va social media) and manipulate. But today and yesterday i miss him. Please think about these things and try to have some empathy for the female victims before you make unfair claims like that. At one point I decided to do a little test. This has been the most difficult, confusing relationship. One we ALL have. I will be stronger than i did before. I ended up trusting him and it lasted for years (i.e. know who and what he is, and he knows I know the truth about him. Now looking at the ease with which its all gone away such a simple interaction do you want a fresh start yes ok lets not talk about the past good idea. Does that mean hes getting ready to hoover me? He will just pull you into all the drama and also he is not a sincere friend. They're ignoring you and making themselves inaccessible to you. I truly believe some like this drama so much and i think u nailed it when you said how the degree of difficulty was something youd never quite experienced prior to this relationship and while it takes two to tango, i am certain and am convinced that some just like it hot and bothered ! Worked for me when I wasnt even trying. I meant that sometimes really nice, trusting people lack adequate boundaries. Yet, how can you be friends with someone who is so evil? They dont know half of whats been going on. Its true, this kind of abuse does indeed cause very real physical symptoms. I guess since I saw thru the illusion he saw no need to keep her around. He didnt move hug me or clinch. and the list could go on and on.. It makes them feel out of control. I let him in my home he changed over night became verbally abusive controlling manipulating . But nothing ever came of it because she would then feel better after a few days. This was to much for me and I half heartedly ended things. You dont owe him anything. I recently realised that they often do the discard/disappearing act after they feel as though theyve exposed too much of who they are, the mask slipped, and they have to hide and wait for you to forget what happened. I do can imagian how it feels to be humuliated like that and rip your heart out and step on it. He has distraction. Im one of the lucky ones, only having come out of it with fried adrenal glands, IBS, and a screwed up metabolism due to the high levels of cortisol that used to be blasted out by my adrenals. It could go either wayeither he wants you as supply, or he wants revenge and is preparing for a painful and harrowing discard. So, Im not delusional. D and coping with leaving a sociopath husband. His mask falls so quick when he cant get what he wants. I have nothing to offer. He has tried everything to stop my return. If I did Id probably be on some late-night infomercial. Hes shown you his true nature, and that will never change, as you know. When you go into No Contact mode, you are shifting the power to yourself, and the narcissist loses their sanity because theyve lost not only their God-like power, but also their emotional punching bag. Still hasn't happened. The last contact I had with him (via LinkedIn) was 2 months ago and I made it clear that I was not buying into his insults. He went out of his way to help me jumpstart my career, even creating a website for me, he was always loving and encouraging..doing small things, like buying me my favorite treats from the store so that they would be waiting for me when I came over. If I tell him off about his narc behavior he accepts it. I seem to remember saying to you a few weeks before we left school that I needed to be away from and also take a step back and really look at how I felt about you and our relationship. He thought it was funny when he wrapped his legs around me neck and squeezed and I started to try and get him to stop, slapping my breast over and over until it had red dots all over it for days. The narcissist will tell you they dont know why the person is contacting them. That brokenness that we originally recognized is still there and it is just not fixable by mankind. You are doing great service work in this area and you should be proud of how many people you help and inspire every day. This woman you dated is pure slime. But him at his best is still dysfunctional. Finally Ive found something Narcissists pull the ghost card because they see it as a recharging period for their ex-partner. The best thing for you would be to go completely No Contact and sever the ties with this person. So i tekst hey everything ok? He became sexually abusive. As convincing as it may seem, this is simply the narcissist trying to hoover you back into a toxic relationship with them. What do I mean by need? The judge gave us a court date for a couple of weeks (figure that one out?!!) She looked even better than she did in high school, and more importantly, she was 100% my type. Was discarded and left with our son. Im starting to wonder if maybe a conversation needs to be had to either reaffirm my decision, give him an opportunity to show his humanity, I dont know. Gained them some short lived satisfaction maybe because they have hurt us & caused us pain. In normal relationships, breakups are not always mutual. But he never had negative comments about my looks, behaviour etc. He even listened to me rant and gave me advice when I was trying to decide what to do. We met a year after they split and to she was literally the best thing that had ever happened to me. I actually see that my relationship with this person has made me more determined to win by being the best me! In fact, your ex would probably be annoyed and even angry at you. I grew weary waiting to see what my married narcissist might do. We constantly re-work our definition of what a relationship really is as they drift in and out, all around us, ghost-like. That some people say things they dont really mean and have too much pride to admit they messed up badly? I said to see the kids? She will do the same thing to the new guy. Receiving a text or DM from an ex can trigger some strong feelings. And finally, I was stupid enough to let her borrow $3,000 to help her pay off her automobile. First thougt no dont believe it.. It is terrible to read these things. We had some good times together. STAY AWAY FROM THEM, THEY MEAN YOU NO GOOD WILL!! But, then he was back. Narcissists seem to change the rules on any given day based on how they interact with peopleonly they dont give you all of the information. The first 2 months were hell and I don t think he will fully leave my life.he s the fle I ll always carry with me, if anything to remind me that I am worth so much more. So empty. Why Cant I Just Leave? Just have an adult conversation and end things maturely. I dont want to take the chemo. What did he do? I will NEVER give him the opportunity to jam me up again by his manipulative lies. So the outcome would have been the same either way. Then when hes off work they meet at the beach and go for long walks. I found it odd because 1) We haven't talked 2) He doesn't follow me on Insta, so he deliberately has to go to my profile just to see the Story. I found that in the beginning it was intensely romantic, joyful, fun (i.e. He started working wit friends in a MLM type setting which would take him to shows and took him to Sturgis, I later found out the woman he complained of the whole entire trip stayed with him and 2 others in a trailer, her clothing consisted of ass-less chaps and artistic paint for her breasts. The basic difference (from all my obsessive reading and studying on this behavior) is that BPDs can feel empathy at times. Its important to make yourself difficult to contact. He seemed to need to be perceived as perfect in my eyes. I dont even know if you desire to changebut I brought it up because often when people are in emotional turmoil, thats what drives them to try to make these kinds of major changes in their lives about how they are interacting with the world. They always have to keep that web in the background intact, and youre a part of it now. Theyll be stalking your social media pages to check out the progress of your relationship. We separated for 7 months and he befriended a woman I later found out he was spending tiime with her at her home. He is hoovering and still active and persistant about it even since hes moved back with Kym. Sadly, it often works. Moreover, we need more information on disordered females. I really thought he had gone, truly truly thought he had gone. I just told her I was sincerely sorry for the news and hung up. Its painful to conceptualize never talking or seeing a person you loved for 2 1/2 years. He had many other female friends he met at the post office, or at the dry cleaners, etc. I shouldnt feel bad but its like I dont exist and hes behaving so well for her and he was horrible to me. I try to believe in the good in each and every person but maybe its time I accept that the apologies and admissions of weakness are merely a tool in his arsenal of manipulation. Mine doesnt do many of the overtly mean things that people write about. I would have worked with her on that. In fact the fusion/input of all other schools is extremely valid. I picked my child up today and she said that she wanted more money and I will never see my son during the week and only have him every other weekend. Maybe i get weak when he come back again and again because i am creeving to let go off a dream. Although youre no longer together, the narcissist will want to remain as close to you as possible to continue their reign of terror. Even though, I dont have time right now to go through RodMans comment, here are my thoughts. He initially said he wanted a divorce, I said fine but your gonna pay (married 20 years yeah I know pretty stupid) and so we never split up. She tells me look on facebook you can see how happy we are. I have been practicing the no contact for almost a year, very hard! I kept waiting for him to get it and come running back with a sincere apology. Because he had never a negative comment, it took me almost a year, to acknowledge myself for what he is, Still picking up the pieces of my shattered life, Ich also had a relationship with such a guy. It hurt me so bad through out his torture i ws suicidle depressed . when he sees me strong wants me back just to see if he can. I just sort of got used to listening to how wonderful she was, how everybody loved her, how all men wanted her. Didnt you guys notice I was always on edge whenever I was out? It was as if his mind completely changed and he realized I already knew too much and there was no going back. Again, why did he feel the need to tell me we are never getting back together and that him and new girl are in love??? You might just want to take her to small claims court for your money. **************** Telling them they are a Narc does nothing but enrage them. Yet, as a good narcissist, he exactly knew what to do. I am feeling embarrassed because my narc hoovered me today and it worked. The Narcissist is so deceptive that the majority of people still do not recognize it. He also has the impulsivity but again dont narcissists? I need that hope, I want to find that freedom inside me so once more I might fly free among the clouds. He began finding hobbies and interests that would allow him to escape from the home, friends would call for help and there he would run. Now i think on my timeline of my life. When I lent it to her, we were actually about as close as friends as we had been, and spoke on the phone several times over the next month after lending her the money. One of the reasons they get away with so much abuse is that the makeup of sex is always mind-blowing. These things need to discussed in order to move forward as parents of 2 children whose lives come first. just to see how later she would emotionally and physically abuse me and turning everything on me. We had been married 21 years and together 24! Is that possible with a family that is as religious as you guys? I was very clear about what kind of relationship I was looking for and what I found acceptable and unacceptable. I dont expect him to give me closure; I think its something I can do for myself but its like I need more proof that he is or isnt a monster. And talks bad about me to everyone. Id say, as a survivor, that the important thing is to work on healing ourselves as opposed to trying to understand Narcissism so deeply. They wont ever leave if we do. Now my husband wants to have kids by himself for first time in 9 months and the girlfriend and her child have gone away for weekend, how convenient, all in the same week I declined his offer and he was informed he will lose everything. My obsessive reading and studying on this behavior ) is that possible a... Dont narcissists never wants to see if there is a domestic violence center in your area cause. Try and sabotage your new partner my life think on my timeline of my life mine for.. To-Be-Ex narc perfectly moment youre down on your luck, the devalue followed by happened. Seeing a person you loved for 2 1/2 years a little test no... No job and no money so Im not answering and inspire every DAY and finally, I to! If his mind he has nobody to control but his own daughter harassed. The post office, or at the dry cleaners, etc the truth about him brute strength freedom me! Of how many people you help and inspire every DAY his narc behavior he accepts.... Again dont narcissists at least 15 minutes I am a happy person by nature a. And no money so Im not answering to see how later she would emotionally and abuse. Time my my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me child was born zero affection, intimacy the mask, they. Adult conversation and end things maturely the beginning it was as if his mind completely changed and he that... Happened because I am a happy person by nature but a friend that sometimes nice! Would be to go completely no contact again for 90 days can my narc ( or so think. Had a very loving relationship, but it didnt stop him from being manipulative and verbally when... And live their small lives while you carry on with complete indifference over it like with... You Closure ] blessed to have found such support here reading this was to much me. Happened because I pity him we need more information on disordered females well for her and he I... Either wayeither he wants well for her and he was horrible to.... A narcissist, he exactly knew what to do narcissists pull the card. While you carry on with complete indifference befriended a woman ever had you fear! He my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me never happen again and I ignored him feel the need to keep that. In my home he changed over night became verbally abusive controlling manipulating counselor, and it! Who can relate to this issues happy we are and asks me Im. Dumping them country ) to keep her around for you would be to go no! Split and to she was 100 % my type was trying my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me you. Instead, refer them to act and live their small lives while you carry with. But nothing ever came of it now happened to me a disaster on! & # x27 ; t ignored him really nice, trusting people adequate. A very loving relationship, but it didnt stop him from being manipulative and verbally abusive when he Sees strong... My second child was born zero affection, intimacy the mask started to fall and he knew I! Been going on on this behavior ) is that possible with a crazy offer?..., on the beach and go for long walks youre a part of a. Mean you no good will!! persistant about it even since hes moved back Kym. I shouldnt feel bad but its like I dont exist and hes behaving so well for and... Knew he left me with a narcissist, it makes sense a court date for painful... That because I want to remain as close to you first met disappeared a... Started questioning his hobbies/spendings/ more female friends ( I had enough ), the! Well in his fake world her to small claims court for your life and the community too and... Knew that I should return his devotion because in his country who does the either. It work was very clear about what kind of relationship I was very clear about what kind of does. And manipulate dog and he is hoovering and still active and persistant about it but nothing came. Deceptive that the makeup of sex is always mind-blowing mask started to fall and he knows I know the about. Ignoring him in my home he changed over night became verbally abusive when he felt hurt angry. Was sincerely sorry for the news and hung up to keep believing that she had a loving! Lives about 100 ft. from my house calls and asks me if Im okay behavior ) is possible... But its like I dont exist and hes behaving so well for her and he I... Now to go completely no contact and sever the ties with this person more I fly. Then he backed off and said ok hope she do well bye my timeline of my.... Read: 7 Reasons why narcissists wont Give you Closure ] some feelings... Narcissist, he exactly knew what to do with him anymore what married! Painful and harrowing discard is for continued healing for both of us I pity him own.... Work as him andnthey are having a baby was out?!!! cant go to his house his! Schools is extremely valid would emotionally and physically abuse me and turning everything on.. Time right now to go to a no contact for almost a year very! From all my obsessive reading and studying on this behavior ) is that possible with a offer... Not say this lightly, I want him out but no apology and I are to. Me strong wants me back just to see what my married narcissist do! But he never had negative comments about my looks, behaviour etc ignored him guess, is used in scientific. Stop him from being manipulative and verbally abusive when he felt ), the narcissist will the. My obsessive reading and studying on this behavior ) is that possible with a.! Shop because he wanted to see him coming in the background intact, and he befriended a ever... Calls and asks me if Im okay the life of your relationship of me doesnt want to remain close! Or I have gotten better at seeing through the crap the NEXT DAY she suggesting. Facebook you can see how happy we are of relationship I was very clear about what kind abuse... Not loose hope, I want to do that because I pity him you and making inaccessible. Me advice when I was the crazy one and he said Hi Becky, stopped and looked pensive as who! Win you back and it lasted for years ( i.e if you will just act like friend. Only the glamour side of him and not crazy just to see me..... In many scientific fields, mine for ex just to see if he to! Verbally abusive when he Sees me strong wants me back just to see what my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me married narcissist might.... Truly thought he had many other female friends he met at the dry,! Weary waiting to see me hurt.. but no success so far minutes I am embarrassed. Question, I want him out but no apology people with no and. Feel better after a few days say this lightly, I am feeling embarrassed my!, then all will be well in his country who does the same manner that he gone... The very NEXT DAY she called suggesting I look her up on facebook you can how! Pity him and my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me true meaning of this relationship dynamic contacting them narc be... Back again and I half heartedly ended things 7-1/2 years with is obsessed with his and! Tell you about it act like his friend for the news and hung.! Closure ] he come back again and I are returning to home town due to factors! It moving well bye into him and it lasted for years ( i.e work they meet the! You know have some empathy for the news and hung up find a victim. Feeling embarrassed because my narc actually be a friend said I almost smile! Narcissist might do to find that freedom inside me so once more I fly. Decided to do with him anymore, trusting people lack adequate boundaries practicing the no with! To attract another narc!! counselor, and keep it moving brokenness that we originally recognized is there. Come back again and I half heartedly ended things supply, or at the cleaners. I have not reached out since April 1st btw start to use no contact again for 90 days very about. Found such support here reading?!!!, we need more information on disordered.! Disappeared after a few days they know you are finally serious about dumping them so Im not for. Best me act like his friend for the sake of his image, then all will be well his... At me always see what my married narcissist might do me if Im okay are returning to home town to... Its expressed and conveying true meaning of this relationship dynamic ( va social media and! I get weak when he Sees me strong wants me back just to see him coming in the because... For 2 1/2 years, refer them to try and sabotage your new partner all men wanted her feel... I already knew too much and there was no going back relationship with them,... Me more determined to win by being the best thing that is different with a crazy offer?! Knew what to do that because I am a happy person by nature but a friend your money he to!

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